{A Milo Story}

It was the day before the due date. My mom and I were at a birthday party for my cousin’s daughter’s birthday. My aunt, who is a nurse, was telling me how crazy it was that the due date was the next day. I told her that based on what the doctor had told me, baby wouldn’t be coming for at least another week. I told her I was trying so hard with my mom's help to get baby to come by walking the mall, going on walks at the park with the hubby and my mom, and eating pineapple and drinking pineapple juice. My aunt continued to tell me to try using clary sage essential oil on my pressure points and see if that would help. Later after the birthday party, my mom and I went back to my place. I asked Marc to go get some oil from the grocery store so we could try it out. Oddly enough, we didn't even have any clary sage even though Marc worked for Young Living Essential Oils and we have a plethora of them. Haha!!

Later that night, my mom, Marc and I were all sitting down watching the movie. The oh joyous, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” kind. Marc was applying the clary sage oil on my pressure points on my hands and ankles when I started to contract a little bit. We started getting anxious as this was the first of the contractions I had ever felt! We started timing the contractions but they were still about eight minutes apart. My doctor told me that my contractions needed to be four minutes apart or less for me to start really paying attention. We watched our movie while simultaneously timing contractions. The movie ended and we went to bed around 11 PM. I was still contracting but thought that maybe by sleeping, the contractions would wear off and I would just wait to see what happened the next morning. We all went to bed and everyone fell asleep...except for me! I tried my best to go to sleep but I was still contracting and they were becoming stronger and stronger. I woke up Marc after a couple of hours of not being able to sleep explaining that I wasn’t feeling well and I needed to go into the hospital. He then went and woke up my mom and she said that I should call the hospital to see what they thought I should do because I felt that I was just cramping and not necessarily contracting. I called the hospital and they explained that since it was just cramping, I should take a hot bath or shower and see if it would go away on its own. If not, I was welcome to come in and they would check me. I told Marc and my mom what was going on and then they tried to get some more sleep while I took a hot shower. The pain didn’t seem to go away at all. I got out of the shower, got dressed, woke up them both back up and told them I needed to go in.

We drove to the hospital and arrived around 1:30 AM. When we got there, I was really starting to feel it. They hooked me up to a monitor to check my contractions and baby's heartbeat. They checked my cervix and said I was dilated to a two at that point. They would watch me for an hour and see if there was any progress. If there wasn’t, they would send me home with some pain killer meds and see if that would help. My mom sat in the waiting room while Marc and I were in another room watching TV to keep us somewhat distracted from what was going on. I don't even remember what we were watching on TV at all to be honest. That hour seemed like it lasted a lifetime as I struggled through some really strong contractions. All three of us were extremely exhausted at this point just hoping that something would happen for the better. The nurse came in after an hour and checked me again. I had already jumped up to a four! They said I could be admitted and we would be having a baby really soon! We were both so excited that our little boy would be coming soon. Aaaand lets be honest, I was super excited to have what I learned later on, 10 pounds off my stomach. 

At around 2:30 AM, I was moved to another room where I would later give birth and recover in. I was in so much pain at this point I wanted an epidural as soon as I could. I informed the nurse of my request and they said they would get the anesthesiologist there as soon as they could to administer the epidural. I had the shakes so bad which is normal from the trauma my body was experiencing but it was so intense! The anesthesiologist finally arrived after what seemed like forever. He numbed the area and administered the epidural. The meds went more into one leg then the other so I had to lay on the opposite side so the medicine would reach both sides of my body. Eventually things went well with the epidural and the pain subsided thanks to the beautiful epidural!! After that, we all tried to get some rest as best we could with all of our mixed emotions we shared.

The nurses came in periodically to check and see how things were going and to check to see how baby was doing. At around 9 AM the nurse came and checked my cervix once again and said that I was dilated to about 9 ¾ at that point. We just needed to wait for the doc to get there and then I could start pushing for baby to come! Of course she needed to take a shower before she could come so that’s what we were waiting on. The doctor was on her way and allowed the nurses to have me start pushing to try to get baby down into the birth canal more. I was so exhausted at this point and it was hard to feel any pushing from having the epidural. Once the doctor got there, I really started pushing. Baby was so big that the nurses could see I was having huge contractions but they couldn’t feel them on my stomach. I was feeling a sharp pain on the left side of my groin so they assumed that must be a sign of a contraction. They told me to push once I could feel that pain. I pushed in increments of 30 minutes and then I would need to rest from being exhausted and also because there wasn’t enough progress. There was about five or six of these pushing sessions before the final 15 minutes before baby finally came. In that last 15 minutes, I kept thinking in my head how in the world was I going to do this? Could I take it anymore? Was this ever going to end?

The nurse told me I just needed to tell myself I wanted to have a baby within 15 minutes and it would happen. I pushed as hard as I could, more than I ever did before. They told me to bare down and give it everything I had. I felt this enormous pressure on my chest like it was being crushed. The nurses could see the head and a ton of hair on it! I kept pushing and the nurses were trying to get the head through. All of a sudden, I felt this huge relief of pressure being released from my body once the head came through and then even more pressure and weight being lifted from inside me as his whole little but big body came out. As I opened my eyes, there was a huge beautiful whaling babe lying on my chest. So many emotions rushed through me. Was this baby actually mine? He just came from his only home inside me? Was I prepared to be the parent this child needed in his life? It was all so amazing and so perfect. They cleaned baby up, weighed him and checked his vitals. He weighed in at 10 pounds 2 ounces and 22 inches long. They then placed him in my arms after the doctor stitched me up from tearing a little. There was this moment where the world felt like it stood still as Marc and I admired our newest addition. He was such an amazing miracle and truly a manifestation that he had just come from his heavenly home. He was just perfect in every way. Our little Milo was finally home.

Well what do ya know?....

Greetings friends, family, and fellow readers! 

It has been quite some time since I had last blogged. There have been so many changes in our home and it was just hard to keep up with it all! I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things for the sake of journaling our lives. The purpose of this post is to play "keep up" from the last time I posted. So here is our overview of pretty much just about all of last year.... BAH!!!!

1. We moved from WA in April after I completed my internship at a Speech and Language Pathology Center and I finally graduated with my piece of paper in April.
2. Marc got a job working down in UT so guess where we are now?! It's where we wanted to end up so we felt so blessed that he was able to find work there. The amazing part is he was searching high and low for work while I was completing my internship and was starting to get discouraged the closer I got to being done. Well, he got a phone call literally a week after I finished my internship with a job offer! The Lord definitely works in mysterious ways.
3. After we moved down to UT we stayed with Marc's sister's family for about a month and a half just so we could get on our feet and get some savings reestablished again cause lets face it, we were broke. ;) 
4. May, we finally moved into our own place! We are currently still residing here and we find it quite enjoyable for the most part. We have some pretty noisy neighbors above us but we quiet them down fast by blasting music so they know we are still here! 
5. In July I started a new job working part-time as a clothing shipper for a cute online clothing store. It was enjoyable for a bit. After a while it just wasn't my thing anymore and decided two months of that was enough for me. It was a blessing in disguise because we found out day after my birthday we were expecting a little one in our home!! We were so excited, shocked, nervous what was ahead of us and feeling very blessed. 
6. In August Marc and I had our very first camping trip together. We went up to ID where we had a family reunion for my Grandma's family that I had never met before. It was so neat to see how well we all felt like family even though we had never met before. I was bummed my family couldn't be there with us but it was still an amazing experience. Marc and I had our own interesting endeavors though. I was completely paranoid every night there were going to be critters coming around our tent. So I hardly got any sleep. Marc didn't sleep cause he had a rock creeping in his back every night. Lucky him! We also celebrated our 3 yr. anniversary and also traveled to CA to have a visit with Marc's family. Its always a fun visit especially when I get to go to the beach!!!
7. October, we found out we are having a sweet little BOY! We have a name picked but we are one of those couples that likes to make everyone miserable and keep it a secret til he is born. Haha It's kind of fun for Marc and I to have a secret just between the two of us that nobody else knows. Marc is overly excited about this whole boy business as he should be. Nothing better than having a mini man around. Lets just hope I keep my sanity between the two of them. ;) 

Holidays came and went as well and we were blessed to be surrounded by loved ones. Marc is still loving his job so far and has a couple opportunities to travel to New York, Chicago and Alabama twice. We feel so grateful to be living where we are and in the stage of life that we are in. We are loving every second of it. Especially with a little one on the way we are cherishing even more the time we get to spend together before his arrival early April. We are so grateful to have so many friends and family so close to us to be able to see so much more often than when we were in school. That's definitely one bonus of being out of college is not being tied down so much by assignments, tests and attendance in class. The "real" world is oh so different but we are loving it so far. As we are still in January and at the beginning of a new year, I can't wait to see what this year holds for our family but we have one BIG thing already coming, our little man and we just can't wait. 

Until next time.....ciao! 

xoxoxo

Gottman: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

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Have you ever experienced your child throwing the biggest tantrum over and over again and you just didn’t know what to do besides ignore them? I know for a fact those of you who are parents reading this have had some sort of experience with this. Here are a few simple ways in which you might be able to handle this situation more effectively with pointers from John Gottman’s book “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.”  

Gottman explains “good parenting involves emotion” (p. 20). He compares it to an airplane and how you are to place the oxygen mask on yourself before you can assist others. The same principle applies to emotion coaching. Once you, as the parent, can realize your ability to recognize emotions, you are moving in the right direction in being able to assist your child. As a parent “your emotional awareness and ability to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life” (p. 20). 

If children are acting out with tantrums, there is a reason. Especially with younger children, they don’t have the vocabulary to express how they are feeling. During this age, children become frustrated and throw tantrums. Parents need to step in and help the child talk it out. The child will then feel their feelings are important and valued. It may not work the first, second, third, or tenth time. As long as there is an effort, you will begin to see a difference. “Emotion coaching requires a significant amount of commitment and patience” (p. 27). Gottman discusses 5 key principles in helping along this process of becoming better emotion coaches to children: 

1.      Become aware of the child’s emotion

2.      Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching

3.      Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings

4.      Help the child find words to label the emotion he/she is having

5.      Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand

You may look at this list thinking, “When I’m in the moment, I will not think through all of these steps because my child and I are both frustrated and I just need to get stuff done!” Like everything else you strive to make a habit, it will take time and lots of practice. As Gottman says, “Children whose parents consistently practice emotion coaching have better physical health and score higher academically than children whose parents don’t offer such guidance…when mothers and fathers use a coaching style of parenting, their children become more resilient” (p. 25). Children will be mentally, physically, and emotionally healthier if parents practice emotion coaching with their child. 

            When children are experiencing negative emotions, such as being sad or angry, you never want to ignore or shut them down. As an adult, you feel better once you have experienced those negative emotions, talked it out with someone you care about, and then move on. Children are no different! If you were constantly shut down or ignored for something that you feel entitled to being angry or mad about, you would be completely frustrated too! Children whose emotions are constantly pushed aside begin to doubt themselves and begin to lose confidence. “One easy and extremely important step in emotion coaching is to help children label their emotions as they are having them” (p. 99). Parents should talk it out and offer guidance and support on how to handle those feelings in a healthy way. “Studies reveal that children who feel respected and valued in their families do better in school, have more friendships, and live healthier, more successful lives” (p.30). It is so intriguing the impact something so simple such as emotion coaching can have on a child’s life in all aspects. 

The next point is the topic of empathy. “Empathy not only matters; it is the foundation of effective parenting” (p. 35).  Think of a time when you felt someone really empathized with you or even someone who lacked empathy. How did it make you feel when someone empathized with you? How did you feel when they didn’t? Children thrive best when their parents empathize with them. Gottman says “empathy allows children to see their parents as allies” (p. 73). As we strive to work on empathy towards children, they will no longer see us trying to control them. Gottman also says, “If we can communicate…intimate emotional understanding to our children, we give credence to their experience and help them learn to soothe themselves” (p. 73). As we provide empathy and use strategies in emotion coaching, children will learn to self soothe and solve problems on their own in healthy ways! 

            With everything I have discussed you might be thinking, “Well, this might work… but how do I discipline my child while empathizing with them?” Gottman brings up a great way you can categorize when it’s appropriate and when it isn’t. He discusses it in red, yellow, and green zones. “The green zone encompasses behavior that’s sanctioned and desired. It’s the way we want our children to act, so we grant them permission freely. The yellow zone is misbehavior that’s not sanctioned, but it’s tolerated for two specific reasons. The first is leeway or learners….The second is leeway for hard times. The red zone is behavior that cannot be tolerated no matter what.” (p. 102-103). These different zones will help guide you in pursuing emotion coaching. 

            Remember first, as parents, you need to recognize your own emotions. You cannot help your child until you first practice this yourself. Second, talk with your children and help them recognize different types of emotions to expound their vocabulary. Lastly, the most important thing, EMPATHY. Come to understand your child’s way of thinking and why they are act a certain way. Remember the green, yellow, and red zones. It will take lots of patience, time, and effort but your relationship between you and your child will be greatly enhanced. Now it’s time to get to work and put these concepts into practice!

             

 **If you are interested in reading more about John Gottman's book you can find it here: http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Emotionally-Intelligent-Child-Parenting/dp/0684838656